Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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