I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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