We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
As shirtless as possible
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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