you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
