Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
