Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
