I'm going to jail i love you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
