You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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