I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
