what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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