theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
