so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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