Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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