I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
