You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
