i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
