And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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