you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
