shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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