I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
