I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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