John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize