Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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