Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
