Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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