Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
