i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
