Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
