the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
