I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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