so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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