my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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