i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
