I molested 6 butterflies tonight
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
