I just pynch a tree in the face
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
