He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
