I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
