I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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