Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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