wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
