Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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