there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize