i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I supernannyed him into submission
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
