Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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