No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
