i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He better not be in your backpack
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
