My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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