I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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