i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
