i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
