Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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