Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
