okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
