Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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