You're completely useless in the revolution.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
