Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
