the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
