I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
