I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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