She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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