Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
