i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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