so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Boobs speak an international language.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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