Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
