This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
