I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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