dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
