just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
