We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
