I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
